My wife is corrupting me…

I’m a picky eater – anyone that has been around me or knows me, knows this.  I don’t like most condiments, I don’t like most anything squishy (texture issue), I don’t like half the food others think are great treats for various reasons.  I’m not just a steak and potatoes kind of person, but I’m not too far from it either – or at least I wasn’t when I met Hillary.  The one exception to the bland meals for me was Mexican food, or more correctly, New Mexican food – I love green chile and a good red chile.  Not this pork stew and enchilada sauce that many pass off as chile, but real good, honest to goodness chile….but I digress, this isn’t about chile, but corruption…

See Hillary had these weird tastes for food when I met her and soon afterward – these tastes included such things as Mediterranean food, Indian curries, salmon, real seafood, and raw fish! aka sushi.  I was able to successfully turn her into a chile addict without much effort; little did I know that she had started a quest of her own.  Soon I would be hooked on Indian food and love some of the Mediterranean food (good thing since we went to Greece and the Greek islands for our honeymoon).  Then after much coaxing, cajoling, and outright teasing – I acquiesced into trying sushi.  That was either a great thing or a really bad thing as I’m now completely hooked, and not on just rolls, I actually prefer Nigiri or sashimi and will gladly eat way more than I can afford.  There were a few other things here and there, but the next major prong in her attack was when we were back out in Oregon and she was raving about razor clams and how great they were.  Razor clams, as in a full clam, lightly breaded and pan-fried,  and that’s all you eat – not clam chowder or some other type of clam containing meal that could hide the fact that you’re eating a clam, but a meal of just the clam; well maybe some salad or something as well, but you get the idea.  The first time I had some razor clams, Hill’s mom was nice enough to have made something else for me as well so I didn’t have to subsist on something that I probably wouldn’t like.  The first couple tastes were ok, as I put it to Hill; I could eat it, but wouldn’t ask for it.  As the meal went on, something very weird happened – these things that I knew I wouldn’t like, started to actually taste good; and not only good, but great!  Now Hill, or more correctly, Hill’s mom developed a problem with me – I absolutely have to have razor clams anytime we go out to Oregon; the craving gets to be huge and while we tried a couple restaurant versions – nothing compares to the way that Hill’s mom makes them (though I bet Hill could do a pretty good version as well).

You may think that these few but major wins for Hillary would be enough to give a feeling of contentment; but no, she keeps pushing for more.  Recently I let slip that some of the sushi rolls I was getting had avocado in it and that I was actually tolerating the small amount of avocado.  There are so many things wrong with avocado that this was actually a bit worrisome to me; they are squishy, green, not “standard” food, and actually good for you.  I figured that Hillary would take solace in my anguish and help me purge the fowl vegetable from my diet since she is a kind and supporting spouse.  What she actually did was much worse that not helping me extinguish the angst of actually eating a mere spec of avocado – she actually put even larger specs of avocado in some of my food; hiding it under things such as cheese, chile, and salsa and only when confronted did she admit to it with a sly grin and twinkle in her eye (nearly the same look that our daughters give before they really get into trouble…).  Now what came from the grievous  act you may ask; well I’ll tell you – I got hooked!  Now I can’t look at a meal with salsa and such in and not think, “hum, this may just be better with some avocado in it”, and it generally is.  I can only assume that her next plans will be to have me eating actual avocados without having to mix it into a bowl or plate full of other foods and then she may move on to trying to get me to eat cottage cheese.  If she is successful in those endeavors, she may get the guts to go for the real prize, the absolute triumph of my food dislikes, the quasi penultimate prize of my food aversions – she may actually try to get me to eat some tomato without it being diced into fine bits or mixed with other things into a salsa or sauce!!

These are the horrible things that happen to you when you hand over trust to someone you love; who knew she’d use the power to corrupt me in such horrible, horrible ways….